An Excerpt from a Chapter of My Life

I've never been one to share the details of my life. I'm quiet. I'm shy. I tend to withdraw when life gets tense. If you met me for the first time, you'd never guess that. You'd never profile me as a serial thinker. In fact, I'm pretty good at acting dumb, while packing mental heat at the same time.

It's not the best way to live, bottled up feelings and all. I get that.

Today, I'm breaking the mold. I'm breaking the ice. I'm going to share with you what it's like to be me. I'm going to write an excerpt from my life.

To begin with, my wife and I have four children, ages 16, 14, 12, and 10 (3 boys and 1 girl). We have been married for almost twenty years and are still dating. I take her out twice a week. As you can imagine, my wife needs to have adult time. We both do. We home educate all four of our kids, including two other boys who we've sort of adopted. Our life, as you can imagine is full of odd smells, loud noises, wrestlemania and food… lots of food and dirty dishes.

My wife is an amazing person. She works extremely hard, is a wonderful teacher, mother and friend. She takes on the brunt of our craziness.

I, on the other hand, am a writer. My mind is occupied with a million dreams. I think of new ways to create characters and twisty tales and how to package those ideas into something coherent. I have two blogs to manage. I wake up in the night and jot down my nightmares, or write a blog post to relieve some of the mental pressure. Sometimes, if I wake up to get a drink, I'll pick up my phone and check my sales when I should be sleeping.

Pathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I make every effort to spend time with each of my kids every day, asking them questions and listening to them, putting my arm around them, and observing their growth and silly, sweet things that they say. But sometimes I let this writing thing, this platform building stuff get out of hand. Sometimes I think it's too much. Sometimes I want to unplug it all and never look back. On occasion, the best thing to do in this hectic writer life of mine is to just grab an xBox controller and play call of duty for a couple of hours with my 12-year old son.

If you're a writer working a day job, and you want to be involved with your family, I'm sure you understand the pull. It's very powerful. The force will wear you down if you let it. And to be honest, I'm teetering on the brink of to-the-bone wear down. I've been feeding The Kindle Book Review Miracle Grow, I just released Twisted Vengeance a month and a half ago, and I'm about to embark on the release of The Indie Author's Guide to the Universe. That's two books in two months.

That's too much.

I'm not complaining. I know what I'm doing. I manage my time and make every moment count, but doing so takes so much focus that it's physically and emotionally draining. Strange thing is, I think I thrive on the madness.

That's me. That's my life.

Now it's your turn.

Are you familiar with the insanity? If you're new to indie publishing, let me warn you; as rewarding as it can be, writing and everything that goes with it can consume you. Indie publishing has the potential to occupy your mind like moss on a fallen timber, slowly enveloping your mind until you and the soil below are one.

It's the nature of the beast. It's a mental thing. It's a monster thing.

Fortunately, writing blog posts like this remind me that I am the ruler of this animal, and why I've had this longstanding love affair with the trade. The beast is mine to control even when I've lost my grip of the leash. His teeth may sink into my flesh and begin tearing, but I can always break its neck with my words and a few quick strokes of my pen.

So there you go; I've bared my soul and spilled my guts. I'm weak. I'm faulted. I'm a writer.

~Jeff Bennington
Bestselling author of Reunion, Twisted Vengeance & Creepy
Look for my forthcoming non-fiction, The Indie Author's Guide to the Universe.